Once upon a time, there was a little elf. He worked at a magical place called McNoodles. One day, he was busy doing his job putting the trash and nuclear waste into the garbage shredder, when his good buddy Friend ran out to him and said, "Dude, I think Carlos just died!" Shocked, the little elf ran inside, only to find his ambiguously Mexican manager Carlos lying on the floor in a pool of blood. The sight of the blood made the little elf sick, and he thought he may vomit up that last Mcnoodly Doodle Burger he had for lunch, when the FBI busted through the kitchen door! "Get on the ground!" shouted the federal agents, guns drawn, and pointing at Friend and the little elf. "Whoa man, what's going on?" asked Friend, and one of the agents replied, "Sir, unless you want to be shot, get on the ground now!" Always the quizzical type, Friend insisted on asking again. All of a sudden, both agents opened fire on Friend, a hail of bullets piercing his body and passing through, leaving blood splatters on the wall behind him, and all over the little elf. When both of the men's guns were empty, Friend's shredded and disfigured corpse hit the ground. the little elf stood there, staring at the mutilated pile of flesh that was once Friend. Something snapped inside the little elf, as he stared at the ruby liquid oozing from Friend. Too quick for the human eye to see, he grabbed the nearest agent's head, twisted it a full 360 degrees, popped it off like a cork, then beaned the other man in the face with it. The second agent stumbled and fell to the ground, firing his gun wildly into the ceiling and walls. Fast as a cheetah, the little elf leaped upon the man, scratching and biting wildly at his face. He managed to claw out both of the agent's eyes, and then let him up. Crawling around on his hands and knees blindly, the agent screamed in pain as the elf took up his gun and shot him in the back of the knee. Moving the weapon slightly to the lefty, he shot out the man's other knee, effectively crippling and incapacitating the agent. Using his elf strength, he hauled the still conscious FBI agent out to the garbage shredder, and turned it on. "Please, have mercy!" cried the pitiful, wounded man. "I have no mercy." said the little elf, and threw him in, feet first, so he could hear the screams of the damned soul he had condemned to death. Then he went back inside, and chopped the corpse of the other agent into tiny bits, then put them through the meat shredder. He then used the man-meat to make into burgers, and sold them to the customers. He stashed Friend's body in the freezer, where it merged with the wall and became a permanent fixture. Then the little elf lived happily ever after.
THE END
Subject: Storytime with Foxbadger! 
Tue May 17, 2011 12:37 am
